Assalaamu alaykum......

 As a recent convert I have searched all over for stories and to meet women and men who have made the choice to convert. Wanting to know as much about each person's experiences and what I could expect. So I thought I would share my experiences with all of you...from the beginning of being introduced to Islam, relationship troubles, woes with police and my community and much much more. It has been a wacky but amazing ride so far.

I will also include some poems I have written and found, that have meant a lot to me in this process.

Feel free to comment or ask questions. All I ask is that you be kind.

If you are just starting to read this....you know the drill start at the bottom and work your way up to follow my trek... If you are checking back every once in awhile...look at the column to the left under entries...and go from there.

Thanks and I hope you enjoy and/or get something from this.

~Shaniqua

To me it means a lot, more with every day I am Muslim.

One of the very first things that drew my attention to Islam was the head coverings worn by Muslim women. But being from the West it was first a view of oppression. Even though I saw some of them as elegantly dressed exotic women, with pretty scarves covering their hair. But, also curiosity, and I wanted to know why they did it in the face of such prejudice? What gave them their strength to cover their hair when other people would make judgments about them simply because of their choice to cover? As I researched it more, I realized just how strong a woman had to be in this society to wear hijab. I can only hope that I too will be strong enough to wear hijab all the time. One day, insha'Allah.

This is not the place to go into a lengthy discussion about hijab (the Arabic name for the head covering).  It can be summed up in a single statement.

"Muslim women cover their hair because of obedience to God."

I think so many non-Muslims are confused as to what hijab means and the rules around it. I know I was. In my reading and talking to Muslims I have found out that it fulfills Islamic modesty laws to cover the hair so only the face is showing. And this only applies when outside the home or in the company of non-Muslim's. But when surrounded by Muslim women you can pull off your hijabs when behind closed doors. I am still not fully comfortable wearing hijab all the time, but I am working towards doing this one day. My Imam's wife always tells me 'Baby Steps', and that is all I can do. With the hopes that one day my Iman will get stronger.

Before I considered taking my shahada I struggled with the whole covering my hair and body. But the strange thing is that I find myself wanting to more and more. The only thing holding me back from wearing a head covering is the affect on my son. But we are slowly dealing with the issues he has surrounding it. I fully agree with the modesty laws and wish that our society would NOT look disapprovingly on women who choose to cover their body. Now those that know me will know how big that statement is for me. Granted, I did not wear miniskirts and a bikini top to go shopping or to work. But I did wear tight fitting and revealing clothes. I don’t dress as modestly as I think I should, all the time, but again I am working on it (baby steps).

And it’s not just muslims that cover their hair. Sikhs, Orthodox Jews, some Hindus, and some Catholic women also cover. I found it eye-opening to realize that many women around the world, belonging to many different religions all cover their hair. I wonder if they too get the looks and comments from people outside their religions.

As a recent unmarried convert I have a lot of questions around the 'marriage' thing. So I asked Sr. S if she could give me some pointers and she sent me this, something another sister had written. I liked the way it was laid out and thought it might help other people as well......

In light of the experience of the past years, it is time to take stock and try to halt the ever-mounting tide of divorces among Muslims. It is not unusual today to find Muslim women (and even an occasional Muslim man) who, by the time they are 30 or 35, have been married three or four times, their children suffering again and again through the trauma of fatherless and broken homes. Accordingly, we may list a few essential points to be considered by both brothers and sisters in the process of choosing a partner in life (although the masculine pronoun has been used throughout for the sake of simplicity, the following is generally equally applicable to both men and women).

1. Du'a. Unceasingly ask help and guidance from Allah, Most High, in the matter of finding and choosing a mate. As often as you feel it necessary, pray Salaah al-Istikhara, Islam's special prayer for guidance, in order to reach a suitable decision.

2. Consult your heart. Listen to what your inner voice, the 'radar' which Allah has given you to guide you, tells you about the prospective partner. It is likely to be more correct than your mind, which often plays tricks and can rationalize almost any- thing. For many people, first impressions are often the most accurate.

3. Enquire. Find out the reason why this man wants to marry you. Is he interested in you as an individual or will just any person do? Why is he not doing the logical thing, that is, to marry someone from his culture? If there is evidence that the primary reason for this marriage, despite claims to the contrary, is for convenience (green card, money, property, etc.), forget it. This spells trouble.

4. Get to know your prospective partner, within the limits of what is permissible in Islam, before deciding on marriage. Just ' seeing' someone once or twice in the company of others, who may be anxious for this marriage to take place, is simply not enough under today's conditions, where two per- sons of totally dis-similar backgrounds are meeting each other without the safeguards of families. Without violating Islam's prohibition about being alone, try to understand his nature, what makes him tick, his temperament, what he might be like to live with.

5. Talk to several people who know your prospective partner, not just one, or have someone whom you can trust do this for you. Ask about him from various people, not just from his friends because they may conceal facts to do him a favor. And ask not only about his background, career, Islamicity, etc., but about such crucial matters as whether he gets angry easily; what he does when he is 'mad'; whether he is patient, polite, considerate; how he gets along with people; how he relates to the opposite sex; what sort of relationship he has with his mother and father; whether he is fond of children; what his personal habits are, etc. And find out about his plans for the future from people who know him. Do they coincide with what he has told you? Go into as much detail as possible. Check out his plans for the future - where you will live and what your lifestyle will be, his attitudes toward money and possessions and the like. If you can't get answers to such crucial questions from people who know him, ask him yourself and try to make sure he is not just saying what he knows you want to hear. Too many people will make all kinds of promises before marriages in order to secure the partner they want but afterwords forget that they ever made them, (this naturally applies equally to women as to men).

6. Find out about his family, his relations with his parents, brothers and sisters. What will his obligations be to them in the future? How will this affect where and under what conditions you will live? What are the character and temperament of each of his parents? Will they live with you or you with them? And are they pleased with his prospective marriage to you or not? Although it may not be the case in most Western marriages, among Muslims such issues are often crucial to the success or failure of a marriage, and answers to these questions need to be satisfactory to ensure a peaceful married life.

7. Understand each other's expectations. Try to get a sense of your prospective partner's under- standing of the marriage relationship, how he will behave in various situations, and what he wants of you as his spouse. These are issues which should be discussed clearly and unambiguously as the negotiations progress, not left to become sources of disharmony after the marriage because they were never brought up beforehand. If you are too shy to ask certain questions, have a person you trust do it for you. At an advanced stage of the negotiations, such a discussion should include such matters as birth control, when children are to be expected, how they are to be raised, how he feels about helping with housework and with the children's upbringing, whether or not you may go to school or work, relations with his family and yours, and other vital issues.

8. See him interacting with others in various situations. The more varied conditions under which you are able to observe your prospective partner, the more clues you will have as to his mode of dealing with people and circumstances.

9. Find out what his understanding of Islam is and whether it is compatible with your own. This is a very important matter. Is he expecting you to do many things which you have not done up to this point? If he emphasizes " Haraams", especially if you are a new Muslimah, and seems unable to tolerate your viewpoint, chances are your marriage will be in trouble unless you are flexible enough to accommodate yourself to his point of view and possibly a very restrictive lifestyle. Let him spell out to you clearly how he intends to practice Islam and how he wants you to practice it as his wife so there will be no misunderstandings later.

10. Don't be in a hurry. So many marriages have broken because the partners are in such haste that they don't take time to make such vital checks as the ones outlined above and rush into things. Shocking as it may seem, marriages between Muslims which are contracted and then broken within a week or a month or a year have become common place occurrences among us. Don't add yourself to the list of marriage casualties because you couldn't take time or were too desperate for marriage to find out about or get to know the person with whom you plan to spend the rest of your life.

11. Ask yourself, Do I want this man/woman to be the father/mother of my children? If it doesn't feel just right to you, think it over again. Remember, marriage is not just for today or tomorrow but for life, and for the primary purpose of building a family. If the person in question doesn't seem like the sort who would make a good parent, you are likely to find yourself struggling to raise your children without any help from him or her - or even with negative input - in the future.

12. Never allow yourself to be pressured or talked into a marriage. Your heart must feel good about it, not someone else's. Again, allegations of "Islamicity" - he is pious, has a beard, frequents the Masjid, knows about Islam; she wears Hijab, does not talk to men- are not necessarily guarantees of a good partner for you or of a good marriage, but are only a part of a total picture. If an individual practices the Sunnah only in relation to worship or externals, chances are he /she has not really understood and is not really living Islam. Possessing the affection and Rahmah (mercy) which Islam enjoins between marriage partners is vital for a successful relationship, and these are the important traits to be looked for in a prospective partner.

13. Never consent to engaging in a marriage for a fixed period or in exchange for a sum of money. (Mut'a marriage). Such marriages are expressly forbidden in Islam and entering into them is a sinful act, as marriage must be entered into with a clear intention of it being permanent, for life, not for a limited and fixed duration.

If these guidelines are followed, Insha' Allah the chances of making a mistake which may mar the remainder of your life may be minimized.

By Sr. R.H.

Choosing a marriage partner is a most serious matter, perhaps the most serious decision you will ever make in your life since your partner can cause you either to be successful or to fail miserably, in the tests of this life and, consequently, in the Here- after. This decision needs to be made with utmost care and caution, repeatedly seeking guidance from your Lord.

If everything checks out favorable, well and good, best wishes for happiness together here and in the Hereafter. If not, better drop the matter and wait. Allah your Lord knows all about you, His servant, and has planned your destiny and your partner for you. Be sure that He will bring you together when the time is right. As the Qur'an enjoins, you must be patient until He opens a way for you, and for your part you should actively explore various marriage leads and possibilities.

Two words addressed to brothers arc In order here. If you are marrying or have married a recent convert to Islam, you must be very patient and supportive with her. Remember, Islam is new to her, and chances are that she will not be able to take on the whole of the Shari'ah at once - nor does Islam require this, if you look at the history of early Islam. In your wife 's efforts to conform herself to her new faith and culture, she needs time and a great deal of support, love, help and understanding from you, free of interference from outsiders. It is best to let her make changes at her own speed when her inner being is ready for them rather than demanding that she do this or that, even if it means that some time will elapse before she is ready to follow certain Islamic injunctions. If the changes come from within herself, they are likely to be sincere and permanent; otherwise, if she makes changes because of pressure from you or from others, she may always be unhappy with the situation and may look for ways out of it. You can help her by being consistent in your own behavior. So many Muslims apply those parts of the Qur'an or Sunnah which suit them and abandon the rest, with resulting confusion in the minds of their wives and children. Thus, while firmly keeping the reins in your hands, you should look at your own faults, not hers, and be proud and happy with the efforts she is making. Make allowances, be considerate, and show your appreciation of the difficult task she is carrying out by every possible means. This will cause her to love and respect you, your culture, and Islam to grow infinitely faster than a harsh, dominating, forceful approach ever could.

Finally, a word of warning. Certain situations have occurred in which women, posing as Muslims (or perhaps actually having made Shahaadah), have deceived and made fools of numbers of Muslim men. Such women may be extremely cunning and devious, operating as poor, lonely individuals in need of help and/or husbands. The brothers who fall into this net may be shown false photos, given false information or promises, cheated in all sorts of ways, and finally robbed of anything the conniving lady can manage to take from them. As was said, it is wise to check out any prospective partner with local Muslims who know her.

Keep your eyes open and take your time. Since marriage is for life, for eternity, hurrying into it for any reason whatsoever is the act of a foolish or careless person who has only himself or herself to blame if things go wrong.

A friend sent this to me the other day....worth a watch.  Great to see Muslim's doing their part to show awareness to these types of societal issues.

http://www.walkagainstviolence.com/index.php

I came across this site....I dont know about you but I still have trouble putting on my hijabs....

If you know of any other sites, please email me and let me know and I will post them.....

underthehijab@gmail.com


http://www.thehijabshop.com/information/how_to_wear.php

Or not.

Someone made this comment to me the other day as a response to my question as to why people get involved in other peoples business (keep in mind I was in hijab, reading about a local issue on homelessness)

"How else do you control populations, but by claiming to represent the dude in the sky who will make all their dreams come true" - many would think a cynical view.


I feel conflicted about Muslim identity politics, gay identity politics, addictions and homelessness politics, etc.

I am not a lesbian, but that doesn't mean I would be or should be ashamed of it if I was a lesbian! I am not an addict or homeless, again that doesn't mean I would be or should be ashamed of it if I was.

But, I am however Muslim. I don't feel that I should be ashamed of being Muslim! Or made to feel that way! Being told to go back to my 'own country' or blamed for the war, terrorist acts and killings going on around the world.

It's strange how things that are so personal, (who you fall in love with, or how you connect with your own spirituality, where you live or don't and who you pray to, to make your dreams come true) people think they can have opinions which they let you know about depending on your choices and political debates and wars about things that are personal and for the most part are harmless(addictions harm the individual).  And I said harmless, and yet people actually kill each other over these things. How people think they have a right to decide who other people should love and how they should connect with their deepest desires. Where they should live and what they should put into their bodies is beyond me. Maybe, it is because it is such a personal, sensitive, integral, delicate part of being human. If people question and prod you or judge you or think they can tell you how you should be in any of these areas, it makes you feel violated and angry... well at least that is how it makes me feel. So the conflict comes from feeling the same things when people press their views on to me (based on my views). I need to find a way to reconcile it all in my mind.

Here is a post a friend sent me....I think it is worth a read, to try and get an understanding of what it is like for Muslims all over.....


ctober_November_20089_12_2008&utm_medium=email">http://walrusmagazine.com/articles/2008.10-religion-guy-saddy-first-little-mosque-on-the-prairie-muslims-in-canada?utm_source=The+Walrus+Magazine+Newsletter&utm_campaign=e4e5c3c21ctober_November_20089_12_2008&utm_medium=email

This post is one out of frustration and is a bit lengthy (sorry)...Since my conversion in June I am finding that everyone that has found out about my decision is trying to figure out why I would do such a thing. A rational response to why in the world I would convert to Islam.  The problem is they have their own ideas as to what and why I have chosen this path.  I thought I had explained my reasons and that they have seen the peace in me since I have converted. But I guess I was wrong. So it must be that I have not found the way to speak their language or the fact that  my answers have not given them the 'truth' to realize why I would convert to Islam. And that it is for the right reasons.

I know that I am loved and cared about by my family and close friends, I get that. I also realize that many of the questions these people have come out of ignorance of Islam and due to that a deep concern for my well-being. Many of my friends have spent time reading and researching Islam, but I seem to be getting the not so good stuff of Islam that the media loves to associate to it, pointed out to me, never the good stuff. I am finding it so tiring, feeling like I have to constantly defend my choice and Islam. The main point for everyone is the rights of women, ‘why would I choose to be oppressed after women have fought so hard for hundreds of years for independence?’  In every discussion that topic comes up in one way or another and usually ends with, 'do you know what you are getting into?' or 'I am afraid and concerned for you’.  The truth is I do know what I am getting in to, I have and am going into this with my eyes wide open.  I know who I am and I know what my rights as a woman are in Islam. For the first time in my life I feel like I have status and I matter as a woman, that I am more than a sex object. But do my family and friends hear this and see this, NO.

I know all of this is out of concern for me, I truly do get that. I appreciate it, but at the same time I wish they could see the good in Islam, be open to it not so shut off. I am by no means asking or pleading with my family and friends to convert and join Islam, only to see the good in it. See how it is making me a better person, making me happy and showing me the truth. Trust that I am doing what feels right for me. We all have our beliefs and value systems, I mean come on every religion is going to defend itself. Muslims are all about Islam, Christians about Christianity etc etc.  Can people not see how their belief systems change their perspectives on the things they are not sure of or ignorant of? It does not hurt to keep an open mind, and see things from all angles, to seek answers from those who are not ignorant to the religion. Instead of passing judgement on something they know nothing of, or only look at one side of. I read on another Muslim convert's blog a quote and I think it is very fitting here.... "You wouldn't go to a dentist when you need a doctor, so why would you go to a Christian (insert media or other religions) to learn about Islam?"  I think it says it all right there. I just wish people would trust that I am doing the right thing for me, trust that there is and has to be good in Islam if I (of all people) decided to convert.

I know that my recent conversion has caused many of my friends and family to question my intentions for turning to Islam. Is it due to my troubled childhood, bad relationships or for the love of a man? To so many of them Islam is so different from anything I have ever done. It is a very different way of being and seeing things. So in their defence I can see that with this shock to them they need to rationalize it, they need to feel like they have said and done everything they can to protect me from what they see as an oppressive religion. Because only then can they feel comfortable within themselves if anything goes wrong. It is human nature to react when we are faced with something so foreign to us. All I ask is instead of looking at the bad, worrying about how this faith is going to change me – look at the changes I am making within. Don't worry about the trivial things like me changing my dress, covering my hair, not drinking and not dating men. I am so much more than these things, Islam is allowing me to see that in myself. To live my life fully and openly not like the non-Muslim me I have been putting out there.  If these are the only things people see and want to be around then I truly feel sad for them.

Please believe me when I say Islam will never change how I feel about or treat my family and friends.  Of course there will be some differences, but with change comes growth and that changes how we see the world around us.  I am becoming happier and more content with life and what it has in store for me.

I was sitting in a coffee shop the other day talking to a good friend (one that has become my confidant in a lot of areas in my life) and he was challenging me as to why I was choosing to find myself using a structured religion like Islam.  I grew up with a lack of a father figure (a stable one) for most of my life and lack of  a mother presence for that matter. He asked me if Allah was the father figure I had always been looking for, wanting.  This topic had come up a few times in our friendship. But for some reason I was really stuck on the word 'father'. that day.

So he asked me to define what the word 'father' meant to me. Easy as it sounds it is actually quite difficult. So to me Father means....protector, guidance, strength, safe. As the words were coming out of my mouth I realized that is what Islam is for me!!!! My friend N always gets a grin on his face when he sees my lights go on. I was also brought to tears with the realizations of this chat.

The next question posed was why do I feel I need religion to mark out MY path for me..... Well here I think I need to explain myself a little better, first. Because to many of my friends they really can not grasp why I am doing this, they think it is a phase or as I have said before I am off my rocker.

My life is full of compartments/containers. I have many faces and very few people get to know the real me.  So here I am adding another compartment by converting to Muslim. The fact that I still am not wearing hijab all the time, not everyone in my life knows that I have converted and I don't even have my real name on this blog is a glaring realization that I have done it again. I have always been afraid to show my true self to people and even more afraid to try and take the walls down to my compartments and let all the 'me's' blend together.

A lot has been happening lately inside of me. I have feelings that I can’t explain even though I have tried. Emotions and reactions that make no sense at the time. Part of me realizes it is about boundaries and feeling safe. It is about not wanting to lose myself or change for the wrong reasons. It’s about wanting clarity and wanting to know where to draw the line and remaining focused. Where do I start and who do I turn to? How much do I say and to what extent do I want input and answers from someone. What would people think, heck could I even handle being around the real ME all the time?

I am constantly looking for the ‘overwhelming impossible love’. I find myself in many situations where I am in relationships that are all about unrequited love, where the other person fails to love back fully, which in turn for me causes the intensity of my feelings for them. I can’t escape my need and spontaneous desire to connect with others even if I have the conflicting urge to protect myself. Because I long for those few special people I come across that actually make me feel secure and help me to stay calm. So is Islam just a diversion for me or is it one of those rare and special things in my life that give me security and calm?

Here now in my life I find that one thing that is teaching me to love myself, look deep inside myself, give me a sense of calm and peace, is Islam. Is it the father I've been looking for? The truth is it probably IS, I have found the father figure I've needed in my life in Allah and Islam. But also, Islam IS the safe compartment for me, that is going to allow me to find my own path and be able to meld all the 'mes' into one. Let the walls down. Because in Islam it is about me learning to surrender to the unknown and trust that what is going to happen to me and for me has been chosen for me by someone who knows what is best and cares about me. I feel safe and secure. Yes I am scared at times and it is going to take some work on my part to help change the way I am, but I am up for it.

Now don't think I have gone over the deep end and I am becoming the fanatic that my friend N worries about. I am a strong and independent person. This is about me finding ME, seeing ME and loving ME. I have just found the way to do that through Islam. It has not been easy and is not going to get easier by any means, but the rewards for me so far have been great!!! I am starting to learn how to SEE and FEEL all that is around me. I am blessed to be surrounded by supportive friends who accept me and my choices. I have been blessed with the new people entering my life because of Islam. For the first time in my life I am feeling like I belong to something, something greater than I can explain. For the first time in my life I want to know ME, and see ME.


Here are a couple of quotes that have really hit home for me so far.....


“The hardest path is sometimes the easiest in the long run…..”

“Unless devotion is given to the thing which must prove false in the end, the thing that is true in the end cannot enter.”

I don't know about all you you non-speaking arabics, but I find it real tough learning the lingo.... It is hard enough for me to understand half the sisters at my Masjid-due to all the different cultures there. But I do see there are common words and phrases that they all use....so the key for me was trying to learn them and the meaning and how I should respond.

Funny little blurb here. When I first started going I had a hard time with greetings. I had finally mastered the initial greeting - Assalaamu alaykum, but I was still having trouble remembering the response phrase to that -  Wa 'Alaykum As-Salaam. So I would always rush to be the first one to greet the sisters when they rushed in. At first many of them looked at me like I was a freak, but I later explained why I did it. They all just laughed and then promptly made me repeat 'Wa 'Alaykum As-Salaam' until I got it.

So here are some sites that I have found useful in trying to figure out words and phrases that were being used around me all the time.


http://www.sudairy.com/arabic/islamic.html     Islamic words and phrases

http://ibnfarooq.tripod.com/phrase.htm            Islamic Phrases

http://arabic.speak7.com/arabic_phrases101.htm    Arabic words and phrases




Again if you know of any other good ones please post in comments or email me at underthehijab@gmail.com

When I tried to find clothes to wear to the Masjid I realized how hard it was to find things. Sr. S gave me a couple of links to find stuff, but it was sooo overwhelming trying to figure out what was what online. I was lucky to have some sisters I could ask questions of. I am still learning the the different terms for types of abayas and hijabs. This is just a whole new experience to me. I soooo need hijab lessons, I found some on utube...but they are hard to follow. My constant mantra....Baby Steps...Baby Steps.

Below are a few links where I or one of the sisters at my local Masjid have purchased clothes from online. Where I live in Canada, there are no shops where we can go and buy outfits, it is so hard to find modest clothing, but even harder to find abayas and hijabs.... As well in the photo gallery I am putting together pictures of clothing items (I kept getting messed up with names), so click on link and appropriate album.

If you know of anymore you have used personally please post a comment below or send me an email and I will post it (underthehijab@gmail.com)


http://www.thecanadianmuslim.ca/index.html       

http://www.islamicboutique.com/          

http://www.ahadstore.com/index.php

http://www.sunnahstyle.com/index.php

http://www.shukronline.com/home.html

What do you see when you look at me
Do you see someone limited, or someone free

All some people can do is just look and stare
Simply because they can't see my hair

Others think I am controlled and uneducated
They think that I am limited and un-liberated

They are so thankful that they are not me
Because they would like to remain free

They think that I do not have opinions or voice
They think that being hooded isn't my choice

They think that the hood makes me look caged
That my husband or dad are totally outraged

All they can do is look at me in fear
And in my eye there is a tear

Not because I have been stared at or made fun of
But because people are ignoring the one up above

On the day of judgment they will be the fools
Because they were too ashamed to play by their own rules

Maybe the guys won't think I am a cutie
But at least I am filled with more inner beauty

See I have declined from being a guy's toy
Because I won't let myself be controlled by a boy

Real men are able to appreciate my mind
And aren't busy looking at my behind

Hooded girls are the ones really helping the Muslim cause
The role that we play definitely deserves applause

I will be recognized because I am smart and bright
And because some people are inspired by my sight

We have the strength to do what we think is right
Even if it means putting up a life long fight

So you see, we are the ones that are free and liberated
We're not the ones that are sexually terrorized and violated

So when people ask you how you feel about the hood
Just sum it up by saying ' it's all good'


~ Shaniqua

Not all of me you'll see
But what you should appreciate
Is that the choice I make is free

I'm not plagued with depression
I'm neither cheated nor abused
I don't envy other women
And I'm certainly not confused

Note, I speak perfect English
So you need not speak slowly
I have my own job
Every cent I earn is mine
I drive my car to work
And no, that's not a crime

You often stare as I walk by
You don't understand my veil
But peace and power I have found
For I am equal to any male

I am a Muslim Woman
So please don't pity me
For God has guided me to truth
And now I'm finally free!

~ Shaniqua

This section is going to be about all the questions I had either from my life or what I had read. The content here may be a little racy or offensive for some, and I apologize for that. But we all have questions and are afraid to ask because of the subjects. So I hope that no one takes offense, the questions in no way mean I do these things or think they are acceptable. Only that things were read or people have asked and I didn't know the answer myself.

I get my answers from my Imam and the readings he directs me to. As well his wife Sr. S is very knowledgeable, if what you read you think is not true, I welcome the discussion around it.


11. Do both men and women have to shave their arm pits and pubic area?
Yes, both sexes must remove the hair from the arm pits & pubic area. This is part of what is known as the fitrah [ pure nature] of man. It is sunnah[ extremely advisable] to do this once a week but becomes obligatory every 40 days.

http://www.islamqa.com/en/ref/2887/fitrah

12. Can a woman get laser hair removal or waxed in a salon, if it is another woman?

http://www.islamqa.com/en/ref/95891/pubic%20hair

http://www.islamqa.com/en/ref/2213/pubic%20hair

13. Do you have to completely shave the pubic hair or just keep it trimmed short?

http://www.islamqa.com/en/ref/5123/pubic%20hair

14. What is the thing you have to say before having sex?

The dua before sex is to be recited by the man & not the woman but if it's said by the woman then insha'Allah that okay.

http://www.islamqa.com/en/ref/1202/dua%20intercourse

http://www.islamqa.com/en/ref/95742/dua%20intercourse

15. Is it true that the woman has to pleasure his husband whenever he wants it?

Yes, it's true that a wife has to give herself sexually to her husband whenever he asks. This is from the obligatory duties of a Muslim wife. As the Prophet (sas) said 'that if a man calls his wife to his bed, she has to respond even if she is cooking at the stove' & 'if a woman does not respond to the call of her husband & he falls asleep angry with her, then the Angels will curse her until the morning'. I know that this may seem harsh BUT there are also explanations for this. 1. Generally most women are not wired for a lot of sex but men are, so by answering the call for sex of her husband is reward for her as well as helping her husband in abstaining from adultery & other forbidden ways of sexual release. 2. The man though should be understanding & thoughtful of his wife's situation & should not make it unbearable & burdensome for her. Eg. if she's tired or sick or been busy with the small ones & has no energy left etc.


16. If she doesn't is she sinning? How is it not forcing the wife otherwise?

As a Muslim wife, she will understand that as a man, he may need sex more than her & that as long as he is understanding if she's ill or tired & she goes to him seeking the reward & pleasure of Allah she will not feel forced. I know that for many woman especially those raised & educated in the west both born Muslim & converts, this type of thinking is hard to understand especially when here the courts & laws says that if a woman says no to sex to her husband & he still has sex with her then they consider this a type of rape. In Islam there is no 'raping' of the wife by her husband as this is a right that Allah has given him over her to fulfill his desires in a legal & permissible manner. So again it comes to understanding & knowing one's wife.

http://www.islamqa.com/en/ref/2006/dua%20intercourse

http://www.islamqa.com/en/ref/87607/dua%20intercourse


17. Is the wife allowed to ask for sex or is it only the husband?

Yes the wife is allowed to ask for sex as this is a right of hers over him that he be able to fulfill her sexual desires just as she does his. As Allah has stated in the quraan the meaning of which is"you are a cover for them & they are a cover for you".

http://www.islamqa.com/en/ref/22026/intercourse

Both spouses have the right to enjoy one another however they wish, so long as they avoid menstruation and the back passage. There is nothing wrong with him masturbating you by hand and vice versa.

Secondly: What you have mentioned about your desire not being fulfilled may be dealt with by speaking frankly with your husband and by each side being open and honest with the other, by each of them being aware of his or her responsibility and by both of them being eager to achieve happiness, tranquility and love. Many husbands neglect the wife’s rights with regard to intimacy and fulfillment of desire, and this usually stems from ignorance about women’s nature and their differences from men with regard to this action. Speaking frankly, trying to deal with the matter and reading some books on this topic all play a major role in setting things straight, in sha Allaah


18. Self pleasuring....Sh. Yasir Birjas mentioned if it stops both man and woman from sinning then it is ok, its not haram but he does not recommend it.

Okay for this we need to go back to the lecture itself , he says that some contemporary scholars have said that if it's [dharoora =dire necessity], then it will be permissible until that obstacle of dire necessity is removed. BUT the majority of the conservative scholars have said NO & he goes with this opinion. [this is explained at the 52 min mark] He goes onto explain what 'dire necessity' means, it's when for reasons beyond their control a man or woman can't marry right at that time & they've done everything else that Islam asks of them in keeping away from adultery/fornication & masturbation at all costs. This means they lowered their gaze, stayed away from looking at anything that will increase/ stimulate their desires & fasted as much as possible. While doing all this it is still very hard to keep the feelings away, then only that time they could be allowed to masturbate even though it's a sin but in this case the sin will be lesser or removed then them falling into greater sin, ie. adultery BUT they need to consult with a scholar on the matter first. A lay person should not decide on their own understanding of what is dire necessity.This is NOT allowed or permissible. The ruling is for both men & women not only women. The Hanbali school of though is strict on it being haraam due to the verses of the Quraan on fulfilling your needs with your wife or what your right hand possesses & that anything else is a transgression meaning masturbation or any other means of fulfilling ones desires. He states that the 2nd opinion is that it's not haraam but permissible only in dire necessity & again says that he sticks to the conservative opinion so nobody should come & say that he said it's okay.


19. Adult toys ...Sh. Yasir Birjas  mentioned it was ok to use with your spouse if both parties consented or if it prevents them from sinning, but in another talk Sh. Younus Kathrada‎ said it is not permissible. What are the schools of thought here?

On this matter the shaikh stated that there was nothing stating specifically in the main Islamic texts that it's haraam BUT that again all the early scholars spoke of things that were known of in their time and again it came back to ONLY if there's a 'dire need'. The shaikh said that most of the scholars said no due to what is known as 'saddal li-thair'ah' which means 'blocking the means to evil'. That once people start using these things, then eventually they get used to it and will lead to unacceptable practices.


20. Can you kiss or hold hands with your spouse in public?

Kissing in public is not allowed as even though showing affection to ones spouse is commended but it has to be confined to the home or where they are alone. Even in front of ones children spouses are not allowed to kiss each other. As for holding hands, then it depends on the culture of where one is. So in Canada it'll be fine to walk fingers linked but not in Saudi or other conservative places.

http://www.islamqa.com/en/ref/6103/kissing

http://www.islamqa.com/en/ref/31773/kissing

http://www.islamqa.com/en/ref/72220/kissing

This section is going to be about all the questions I had either from my life experiences or what I had read. The content here may be a little racy or offensive for some, and I apologize for that. But we all have questions and are afraid to ask because of the subjects. So I hope that no one takes offense, the questions in no way mean I do these things or think they are acceptable. Only that things were read or people have asked and I didn't know the answer myself.

I would also like to point out although these questions/answers all seem to have a negative feel to them I still chose Islam regardless. At the time these things were important for me to ask. The answers did not sway me or take away from the peaceful feeling I got from Islam. Islam is so much more than about what you can have and what you give up according to the culture you have been living in. But as I already said, these were things I had read or were brought up in conversations I wanted to know the 'truth' about.

I get my answers from my Imam and the readings he directs me to. As well his wife Sr. S is very knowledgeable, if what you read you think is not true, I welcome the discussion around it.


1. Is it true you can not have pictures of your family on your walls?

2. If so what is the rationale behind this?
    The reason is because the angels to don't enter a home that has animate pictures or dogs in them. Here are the links for the FULL detailed answers. Pictures covers a wide variety of mediums both hand painted & photography.

3. What kind of art work can you have on the walls of your house?


4. Where and how do you store the Qu'ran  when not reading it? I know you are not to put it directly on the floor when reading it.
You can store it on any book shelf or draws. There is no rules for storing it in any specific place except any area that is impure or has impurities.eg.washrooms, anywhere were garbage is prevalent or kept. As it's a holy & respected book due to it being the words of Allah we give it it's due respect when handling & storing it when not in use.
5. What is the rationale about being not being able to listen to any kind of music (unless Muslim)?
http://www.kalamullah.com/kamal-el-mekki.html scroll down towards the mid-bottom there's a lecture on End of Music

6.  I read a man should not marry a woman who is unable to have children (barren), is this true?
The general islamic advise to men is to seek women who are fertile for marriage as the Prophet (peace be upon him) advised us to have many kids as on the day of Judgement he will be the Prophet with the most followers BUT it does not order them not to marry women who can't for whatever reason not have kids. If we look at the Prophet's wives except for Khadijah & his concubine Maria, none of the other wives had children. Some of them who were older when they married him had kids with their previous husbands but not with him. As well we know that from amongst those that were young when he married them were Ayesha, Safiyyah, Zainab bint Jash & none of them had children. So it is only an advise not a ruling. Some men don't mind not having kids or specifically prefer to marry a woman who can't have children. Here is an explanaition below from the scolars: The Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) encouraged marriage to women who are fertile. It was narrated that Anas ibn Maalik (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to say: “Marry the one who is loving and fertile, for I will feel proud of your large numbers before the other Prophets on the Day of Resurrection.” Narrated by Ahmad (12202). Classed as saheeh by Ibn Hibbaan (3/338) and by al-Haythami in Majma’ al-Zawaa’id (4/474). Sham al-Deen Abaadi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: Wudood (loving) means she loves her husband. Wulood (fertile) means the one who bears many children. These two conditions are mentioned together because if a fertile woman is not loving, her husband will feel no desire for her, and if a loving woman is not fertile, the desired aim will not be achieved, which is to increase the numbers of the ummah by producing many children. These two characteristics may be known in the case of virgins from the behaviour of their relatives, because in most cases relatives are similar in behaviour and characteristics. ‘Awn al-Ma’bood (6/33-34) The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) told men not to marry infertile women. It was narrated that Ma’qil ibn Yasaar (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: A man came to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said: I have found a woman who is of good lineage and beautiful, but she cannot have children. Should I marry her? He said: No. Then he came to him a second time, and he told him not (to marry that woman). Then he came to him a third time and he said: “Marry the one who is loving and fertile, for I will be proud of your great numbers before the nations.” Narrated by al-Nasaa’i (3227) and Abu Dawood (2050). Classed as saheeh by Ibn Hibbaan (9/363) and by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Targheeb (1921). This prohibition does not mean that it is haraam, rather it is makrooh. The scholars stated that choosing a fertile woman is mustahabb, not obligatory. Ibn Qudaamah said in al-Mughni: It is mustahabb that she be from a family whose women are known to bear many children. End quote. Al-Manaawi said in Fayd al-Qadeer (6. hadeeth 9775): Marrying a woman who is not fertile is makrooh. End quote. Just as it is permissible for a woman to marry an infertile man, it is also permissible for a man to marry an infertile woman. Al-Haafiz said in al-Fath: As for one who cannot have children or who has no desire for women or for intimacy, this (marriage) is permissible in his case, if the woman is aware of that and agrees to it. End quote.

7.  Why is it okay for a man to masterbate if it will help him from sinning and having sex. It it okay for the woman to do the same?
This is an opinion of only a few scholars but the majority say NO it's not permissable under any circumstances both for men or women. The strongest & most correct opinion from the scholars is that it's not allowed no matter what. There are ways for both men & women to help them in decreasing the desires that lead to this, the 1st being marriage if marriage is not an option at this time only due to the fact that they will not be able to look after the wife reasonably then there are other ways for them to control & lower their desires as advised by the Prophet (sas). Below are some texts on the different opinions & after answers as to how to lower & control the desires from the quraan & sunnah. And I have also read in some of the books of the Hanaabilah the permissibility of masturbating for he who fears falling into zinaa. However, (the) gravity (of masturbating) is regarded the same as eating from the (already) dead carcass (i.e. if you have no other food and fear you will die if you do not eat from it), so it is not permissible for him to do so except for that which alleviates the dire necessity. And Allaah is the Most knowledgeable. Shaykh Mahmood Khaleel Harraas Fataawa Shaykh Mahmood Khaleel Harraas - Page 282-283 ----------------------------------------------------------- Question: What is the Islamic ruling on masturbation? Answered by Sheikh Salman al-Oadah The ruling on masturbation is a matter of disagreement. Some scholars say it is lawful, others say it is not preferred, while a third group of scholars says that it is unlawful. The most likely of these opinions - and Allah knows best - is that masturbation is something that is not preferred. In case of a dire need, it becomes lawful, but resorting to it excessively can result in serious problems. It’s most serious harm is that the young man who does it feels a severe regret – particularly if he is pious – hates himself and can become afflicted with depression. It may lead him to weakness in strength, particularly if he tries to give it up and fails. It is worth saying that even if it is deemed to be unlawful, it is a misdeed such as other misdeeds that could be expiated by repentance and asking Allah for forgiveness. The young people who do this should not let themselves fall into depression and go too far in blaming themselves and wallow in feelings of deep sadness. It is surprising that many people do sins more serious than masturbating – such as lying, backbiting and sleeping through the time of Morning Prayer – but they do not blame themselves with a fraction of the blame they feel after masturbating. In fact, they deal with masturbating too sensitively, which affects their other aspects of life like dealing with others, their education or their worship. It is preferable to deal with everything fairly, as Allah determines everything in a balanced way. The sheikh makes an important point for those of us suffering from the problem to put the sin in perspective, make tawbah regularly and strive hard.
8. Is it okay to be present around your husbands sons without hijab. I thought if you did not breast feed the child, you had to wear hijab around them when they reached puberty.
In Islam once a woman marries a man & if he already has sons even though from another woman, her step-sons become a legal guardian to her. This allows her to be free from wearing the hijab around them & travelling alone with them. The same goes for a man who married a woman who has daughters from a previous marriage. He becomes a legal guardian for them even if later he might divorce their mother & visa versa BUT only if he has had intercourse with the wife.If he didn't have intercourse with the wife then he is free to marry a daughter of hers. Here is the verse explaining it from the quraan. Praise be to Allaah. The daughter of your father’s wife is known as your father’s stepdaughter, and she is a mahram for your father only, if he has consummated the marriage with her mother, whether he brought her up himself or she is an adult and he did not bring her up. This is the view of the majority of the earlier and later scholars, and is the view of the four imams. When mentioning the women who are mahrams for men, Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “Forbidden to you (for marriage) are: your mothers, your daughters, your sisters, your father’s sisters, your mother’s sisters, your brother’s daughters, your sister’s daughters, your foster mothers who gave you suck, your foster milk suckling sisters, your wives’ mothers, your stepdaughters under your guardianship, born of your wives to whom you have gone in — but there is no sin on you if you have not gone in them (to marry their daughters), — the wives of your sons who (spring) from your own loins, and two sisters in wedlock at the same time, except for what has already passed; verily, Allaah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful” [al-Nisa’ 4:23] The issue of covering is for adopted sons who have not been breastfed by their adoptive mother.

9. If the mans mother does not like you and tells her son he is not to marry you he must obey. Is it the same if it is the sons father? As well at what age does a man get to make choices for himself? (who he wants to marry etc.)
If a mother or father tells the son not to marry a girl, it is not compulsory for him to obey, although it is highly recommended. No matter how old one may be, they ae still their parents' children. Again, the man makes the choice on his own, but he should consider the wishes of the parents (especially if they are not being unreasonable).


10. If the husband does not want the wife to wear hijab, who does she obey? Allah or her husband?
She obeys Allah above her husband. As there is no obedience to a created being over the Creator. A rule of thumb in relation to Allah's orders & our obligations in matters of duties or any area of Islamic jurisprudence & islamic life is that whenever there is clear evidence about a duty or act that that is an order from Allah whether to abstain from it or carry it out, we as Muslims are commanded to obey Allah first & foremost. HIS [subhanahu ta'ala] rights over us extends & is greater then the rights out husbands & parents have over us. So in conclusion a woman MUST obey Allah & wear hijab over her husbands order not to wear it. The possiblity of him divorcing her or being angry with her might be there but as long as she remains steadfast & obedient to Allah, HE will grant her patience & reward. She can make dua [supplication] for her husband to Allah. This is will be a test for her that she will either pass or fail depending on her strength in faith & trust in Allah. And Allah knows best.


Again I welcome any other questions, answers or comments. Just post or email them to underthehijab@gmail.com
If you are unsure of something and too afraid to ask send it my way and I will talk to my Imam, he is AWESOME!!!!

As I entered the Masjid and walked into the room I saw two women sitting there waiting for me. Sr. S, who I expected and another sister who I had never seen. I felt nervous as I sat down on the carpet. Sr. S took one look at me and said relax and take a deep breath we are not going to torture you   She introduced me to the sister sitting there, Sr. L, another convert. She had converted around 6 years ago and was from Mexico.

As we sat there I had many questions as to what to expect at my Shahada and of course other questions.  As I started talking I found an ease come over me and I began to feel the peace I felt when reading on my own about Islam. The conversation flowed from all of us, like we had known each other for years. I realized then, that I really needed to make sure I surrounded myself with these kind of sisters on this journey. I was quickly creating a circle of amazing and different Muslim women around me. My new Muslim family.

I was told at my Shahada there would be about 3-4 sisters present. I asked if I could bring my friend with me. I was told I could but if it was a male would have to sit at the back of the room. I explained that it was a female. So it was set I could bring L with me, which gave me a bit more ease about the day fast approaching.

We sat for a couple of hours talking about many things (questions will be posted in another area), it was just a real nice feeling to be able to talk openly about my questions (no matter how silly they sounded to me).

I left the Masjid, happy but also with this real heavy feeling, I couldn't figure out. I was late picking up my boyfirend, and didnt have time to change. He got in the car and was taken back seeing me in my hijab and abaya, something he had not seen yet (as we never went to prayer together and didnt acknowledge each other there). His reaction made me very self conscious and added to my unsettling feeling I was having. He asked me if I was okay, I looked upset and really tired. I tried to explain what was going on in me and broke down crying, I couldn't even explain to him why I was crying. So I asked for a few minutes to collect my thoughts.

When we got back to my place I changed and showered, trying to work through what was going on for me. Afterwards I explained to him I felt like I was loosing myself and felt he was not there for me like I thought he would be. He hadn't even mentioned my Shahada and asked how I was about it. That I had been doing all of this 'Muslim stuff', learning about his religion (soon to be mine) and he had nothing to say about it. He basically sat there and listened to me and then we went out to eat dinner.

The night before my Shahada Sr. S phoned me and reminded me of the preparations I needed to do prior to coming. I had to shower and clean myself with the intent of praying and taking my Shahada the morning of. I was ready, I was ready!!!! I barely slept the night before, going over my choice to convert, was I doing it for the right reason, was it something I was going to be able to implement in my life, was my son okay with it, etc etc etc.

I was still puzzled as to why my boyfriend was not excited or happy about my decision to convert. It was his request and yet he was feeling farther and farther away from me. He wouldn't share what was going on for him except to say it was weirding him out. I just hoped that it would be ok, that he would be able to get past whatever it was that was going on in him.

Today is the day..........

The date to have my Shahada has been set June 17, 2008. I am nervous, scared and happy all at the same time!!!! This feels like such a roller coaster to me.

I have had a couple more meetings with Sr. S at her place and over the phone. I am up to doing about 8 hours of Muslim 'training' a day! Like I said I jump in and want to learn everything I can. Now the focus is trying to find out as much as I can about what to expect from a Shahada.....????

My boyfriend has returned from his time away, I have turned a year older, gotten my last tattoo ever (I still dont understand why tattoos are not permissable-especially if they are not religous or slandering of any sort) and the date is getting closer...funny enough though I am not nervous about my choice to convert. Instead it is the unknown of what is expected of me at my Shahada!!!!!

As I am mentally preparing for my new path I keep trying to engage my boyfriend in conversations around the subject of me converting. All I am getting from him is, so when do you want to go ring shopping, or do you want to do a pre-nup? Both in very sarcastic tones. I am finding it frustrating that he does not see the magnitude of what I am doing. The sisters at the Masjid and my western friends can all see it, but not the man who says he loves me? This is very puzzling to me. He just keeps telling me he feels weirded out that I am going to be Muslim on one hand. And on the other he feels good about it. We were in a restaurant one day and he made a comment that kind of shocked me (I chalked it up to him having a bad day) "By you converting, it is sticking it to the 'white man'....ha we got another!" He was becoming distant slowly and pulling away from me and I couldn't understand why. I tried to have the conversation with him but he would always tell me he was fine, it was just weird to be talking about Islam with me. As well that by me learning and practicing it showed him how far off the path he had fallen. But none of this was changing me wanting to convert, it was for me.  However, he has started helping me a bit more with saying my prayer and learning about what to expect at my Shahada. We talk about the topics discussed in the Friday sermons and the Saturday night classes. I was even talk to him about what I am learning in my Womans classes on Saturdays. Overall though he mostly says, "I don't know the answer to that ask one of the sisters."

But inside I find I am still struggling with something and I'm not sure of what it is. Was it my relationship with him or was it the Western gal in me fighting to remain the leader and not be taken over by the ways of Islam. I was still dressing before going and taking my stuff off before going anywhere in public in my car.  Dating and learning about Islam at the same time.  I was worried about what people were going to think. A few of my close friends knew of my choice, most were not supportive in my decision. They like me (before learning) saw Islam as an oppressive religion to woman. In their defense these people all know me and how stubborn and independent I am. They were worried about me and what may happen. Again based on the general publics perception of Islam.

So a couple days before my Shahada I was scheduled to meet with Sr. S at the Masjid to go over any last minute questions I may have and to talk more about what would happen at my Shahada. This is the most nervous I had been going to meet with her, I didn't understand what was happening. As I was walking up the steps to the Masjid my knees were shaking and I felt like I was going to throw up. I felt like I was going to go in there and was not coming out. I realize now it was my Western girl who finally realized that the Muslim girl was taking over, this was the last chance to try and change my mind. I stopped half way up the steps and turned around. I walked down a couple of steps and stopped again. I must have stood there for about 5 minutes going back and forth on what to do. Finally I said out loud "Enough! I am doing this it feels right." I turned around and marched up the stairs and into the Masjid.

....... more to follow.

After being given my 'ultimatum' by my boyfriend - 'revert or leave me alone' (for all intent purposes it is a ultimatum), I was put into a tail spin - emotionally and intellectually.

I did not take the request/ultimatum lightly, as I said before I spent hours reading, talking and searching. Unfortunately he was not there to help or answer any questions. He was weirded out about talking about 'his' religion with me!!!  A religion he was asking me to be a part of.

I don't know about any of you.....I was not closed to the idea, but I have questions...I have fears...I am scared to venture into the unknown. To me I believe those are all normal things to be feeling in a case like this. The more I read and talked with people the more confused I became.  But my confusion was not just for me but for the example my boyfriend was giving. I am big on the need for visual examples, people practicing what they preach. This was one of my issues with so many other religions - the hypocrisy.  I realized then it was more about his internal struggles with being a good Muslim (if in fact that is what he truly wanted). Here he was asking me to surrender to him and Islam, but was not saying to what degree. How could he when he was not a 'practicing Muslim" himself. The more I read the more I saw how much he was not following Islam. Which pushed him further away from wanting to help me in my quest for answers. He was feeling guilty and confused himself.

As I said before I had been searching for some kind of meaning to life since I got sick. If any human didn't question why they are here, there is something wrong with that. So I found myself questioning Islam and the need for my boyfriend to have me convert. I was struggling with the fact that other people in my life would be upset if I converted. Something he was mirroring to me by keeping his own religion so close to his chest and not telling people he was Muslim. I know I have to follow the path to Islam if it is right, because it will be the right way for me and not because he wants me to in order to have a relationship with him.

On one hand I could understand his struggles with living a double life. I too am worried what people's reactions will be to me converting, wearing hijab. On the other hand I could see it as an excuse and not a reason. I am struggling with if I am strong enough to wear hijab and follow the teachings of Islam all the time.

From him I really needed to know where he stood on some issues in our relationship and what was important to him. I can not have children and it was something he expressed he wanted. I looked into all the options available for us and adoption was the only thing. Surrogacy was not an option, which I still to this day do not understand, Islam does not recognize it. The other big one was his desire to have more than one wife. I am not comfortable with that. I believe I am not a strong enough person to share, yes that is selfish on my part but I know myself well enough to know what I can handle.   He told me he loved me and we would make things work, but would not discuss my issues any further.

So I had to turn to the amazing Sisters I had met so far in my journey...my new friend from India (Sr. S), Sr. B, Sr. R and Sr. S from the Masjid.  From them I had my questions answered and feelings put to ease. Let me tell you I had many questions and they were not all normal things to be asking.

I was getting thirsty for more knowledge...wanting to know as much as I could as fast as I could. It was like I felt like I was in a race - a race for my life. Sister S at the Masjid kept saying to me "baby steps, baby steps". I have to tell you that is not something I don't do very well. Once I am put into something I want to learn it all right away!!! But I was forced to step back and learn things slowly and ask many questions.

But the whole time in my quest....I am dressing and undressing in my car a block from the Masjid. What is up with that? Shame, embarrassment? Such a huge step I'm thinking about taking, wanting to take...but....I am being a CLOSET MUSLIM!!!!  Such conflict inside me, afraid of what people might say.

I've talked to my son about the whole converting thing and his only concern is he doesn't want to be Muslim. For both of us though we worry about what his dad (my Ex) will say and do about it - truth be told he is a bit of a red neck (need I say more?). A lot to work through.....BABY STEPS!!!!

One thing in all of this that put some humor in this part of the journey was I got some insight into my boyfriend and how he did things. I used to watch him do things and I would think man something is off with this guy, he must be OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) or something. But as I read I realized they were Islamic rituals!!! (another example of my ignorance). So I said to him one day.... "you are not messed in the head, you are Muslim"...he looked at me funny and I explained what I had thought about him-and we both had a laugh.  It was another example of how we should not judge people by what we see, we should always dig a little deeper and find the meaning to it first.

Once upon a time there was a Canadian girl and a Canadian born Muslim man. They had been dating for a few months when he sent a text message....yes a text message.....that said 'why wait until tomorrow ... revert or leave me alone'.  And so the journey began......

To be totally honest here, (as I said before) my view of Islam was that of what the news and papers portrayed. I saw Muslims as terrorists and the women being very oppressed. I could not fathom why this man that said he cared about me would want me to be a part of that, when he himself was not living the religion.  But I cared deeply for him so promised that I would look into the religion and would get back to him. I knew if I chose to not convert that it meant walking away from him, and I had reconciled in my mind whatever was going to happen would happen.

Out of respect for him and other Muslims I decided I needed to approach this with an open mind and heart. For a couple of months I searched the Internet for all I could find on Islam, I went to the library and signed out books. I went on to forums and asked many Muslims questions. I called the local Masjid and left a message about going there and talking to someone.

My boyfriend then said he thought I should go to the Friday prayer and observe with him. I was nervous as I got ready and went to pick him up, as we got closer to the Masjid, he became very uncomfortable (to the point of perspiring), so I decided I would go when he was out of town. He felt bad for feeling that way, I explained to him it was about both of us being comfortable with this. Not to mention it would probably be better when he wasn't there so neither one of us felt pressured by me being there.

So while he was away for 7 weeks I spent as much time as I could talking and meeting with Muslim women (converts and born Muslims), chatting on line and reading.

I went to the Masjid for prayer every Friday. Went to class on Saturdays at the Masjid and How to be a good Muslim woman class on Tuesdays not to mention I spent hours on the phone with the wife of the Imam of the local Masjid. I spent hours talking to my Western friends who all thought I was loosing it. Me looking into converting into a religion that would tell me how to dress, how to act and has sooooo much structure. I had to be going through a mid-life crisis or something. I was having a hard time wrapping my head around wearing hijab and not being able to look men in the eye, funny that these were my biggest issues around the religion.

My first time to the Masjid, I was so nervous. I went to my closet to find something I could wear that would be modest and respectful of the women there. I have to tell you I hate to admit that I could not find one modest piece of clothing!! I realized at that point how much I had conformed to the 'Western' way of dressing, all about showing yourself. So I went out and bought some baggy pants and a top and off I went to the Masjid. I was told I did not need to cover my hair but I could if I wanted to. I choose to go without a covering on my head. As I got closer to the Masjid my heart was racing, I was unsure of what I was doing. I don't know about you but I HATE the unknown, and I had no idea what to expect when I got there or how I would be perceived by the women.

Just a quick funny note here (at least to me)......As soon as the sisters at the Masjid knew I was Canadian and was considering converting they all felt it was necessary for me to know that 'anal sex was not permitted in Islam'. This took me back each time someone mentioned it. I wondered if they think that is the common practice of ALL Canadian women, or if I looked like the 'type'. When I would tell my Western friends about these stories we would all have a laugh, and look at my forehead to see if there was a tattoo there saying I was into that. I assure you it is not a practice I was upset to find out I could no longer do or did. But I did question why Islam was in my bedroom, if both parties consent and no one is being forced then who or what religion can tell you what you can and can't do with your husband/wife?

The local Masjid is two separate buildings side by side, the men go to one and the women to the other. I was greeted by a recent convert and taken under her arm. She explained everything to me and sat next to me during the seminar they gave before prayer. Afterward she took the time to talk to me and see how I was feeling. She gave me her contact info and said if there was anything she could do to just call. Sister B was wonderful!!! She shared her experiences and made sure I knew I was not alone in my fears and nervousness.  Many of the sisters there were kind and offered help if I needed it. When I left that time, I felt like I had been surrounded by people I had known my whole life. But at the end of that visit I have to tell you I also felt like I was on display for many of them. But overall it was a good experience. Heck, the biggest challenge was trying to figure out if you kissed 3 or 4 times on the cheek!!!

I began talking more to Sister S (Imam's wife) about things in Islam, rules etc. Each time feeling more and more at ease. (I will post my questions and answers in a different area) At the same time seeing how ignorant I truly was to Islam. I was going through many internal struggles. The Western woman vs. the Muslim woman. I had many and I mean many years of training to be a Western woman and She was not going to change her way of life or views without a fight or serious proof.

However, the more I went to the Masjid the more people wanted to push their cultures and beliefs on me. I was getting to a point I was going to stop going. That day, (I was giving going to Masjid one more chance) one of the older sisters came up to me and asked if we could talk. Again, honesty here, she was the one that scared me the most. She would just sit there and stare at me, watch how I interacted with the other sisters the times I went before. We went off to a side room and had a private talk. I explained to her how I felt like I was not going to fit in there because I felt I was too liberal for the Masjid. Everyone I had talked to were very conservative and felt I should be doing everything right off that bat. Sister R explained to me that she converted many many years ago from being a strict catholic. That she was very liberal and the bottom line is whatever I do is between me and Allah. She told me of her struggles and how she deals with them. I broke down crying, (tears of relief) that I was not alone. I knew then that I wanted to be Muslim, it felt right. That I just had to remember to keep the focus on the teachings of Islam and not all the other stuff.

I talked to my boyfriend that night on the phone and told him I was going to convert, when he got back. He was not as happy as I thought he would be. He instead was weirded out by me doing this!!! The thing he demanded of me was now the thing that was weirding him out? There were a couple of issues in our relationship that I wanted him to be sure about before I converted. The biggest one being I could not have children, so if it was really important to him he needed to tell me. The second one, he wanted to have more than one wife. I knew in myself at the time I would not be ok with it, so again he needed to really look at the importance of it. He assured me that these things were not important enough to make him not be with me. He told me he loved me and we would get married after I converted.  I explained to him that the reason I was converting was not because I wanted to be with him. Yes, due to him I was put on the path of Islam. I would never have looked into this religion if it was not for him. But in the end it was a fit for me. However, I also took comfort in knowing I would not be making this journey alone and he would be by my side. As in Islam dating is not permissible, and I was struggling with the whole arranged marriage thing. So here I had this guy I was in love with and he in love with me....so it would be easy.  Or so I thought......

Well now the fun was about to begin...in case you are not sure....that comment is dripping with sarcasm.

(next installment will be about my struggles prior to my Shahada)

Let me start this adventure off by saying for many years I have been looking for some spiritual direction. I looked into many religions but none quite felt right, until now. Funny, cause I never would have given this one a second thought.

My introduction to Islam was through my boyfriend. I found out a couple of months into our relationship he was Muslim. “Muslim, what is that?”

At this point in my life my knowledge in regards to Islam was that of most Canadians, all full of misconceptions. Even more so after 9/11, just the mention of the word 'Muslim” congers up images of terrorists and many more negative images and feelings. So with an open mind I began my journey. How could my idea of Muslim be so far off from what I was reading and the Muslims I was meeting? It was becoming more obvious to me I had been living in ignorance where Islam was concerned. I remembered at that moment there was one point in our relationship my boyfriend had called me ignorant, and I took great offense to it. Now I was seeing it in a whole different light, I was truly ignorant. So I began reading, talking, asking and searching out everything I could about Islam. The more I found out, the more I began to see the truth behind Islam and what it was to be Muslim. For to be Muslim encompasses so much, it is a faith based on beauty and mercy in every aspect of life including actions. I have always embraced actions speaking louder than words in my life....and here was this religion that embraced that philosophy being shown to me at a time I needed something concrete. WOW, how lucky am I?

So from this moment I decided to convert and on June 17, 2008 I took my Shahada. The rest of this blog will be about my experiences along the way....

So here goes my first entry into my blog.......

I am often asked why I have chosen to follow the religion of Islam. As a Canadian woman, my choice of dress – long, loose and including a headscarf – visibly identifies me as being different from most Canadians. Even complete strangers stop me on the street or in the store to ask me why I dress the way I do (when I am out in my abaya and hijab). I could answer that I am Muslim and Islam dictates modesty in dress as it dictates modesty in all spheres of life, but I know that does not answer the real question they are asking, which is: "Why are you Muslim?"

To answer all of these questions really takes some explaining. I did not become Muslim overnight. In fact, at first, learning about Islam came quite unexpectedly into my life. I had simply started dating a Muslim man not knowing of his religious beliefs. Once out in the open I then began questioning him and wanting to understand something of them.  Then I was given the ultimatum to choose to convert or walk away from him and our relationship. So totally thrown into learning about it. But from there it has taken me to a whole new level of wanting to know and learn.

I was surprised to discover many similarities between the teachings of Islam and other religions. I started to understand that I could not judge Islam merely from the actions of some "Muslims" I had seen and heard about. To learn something of the real teachings of Islam, I was going to have to throw away my prejudices and listen and read with an open-mind.  I have always believed that it is essential for us to have some understanding of other's beliefs so that relationships between communities can improve and flourish. After all, we are all brothers and sisters together in the family of mankind. Unfortunately, today there is actually a great deal of misunderstanding between other religions and Muslim communities partly due to biased media coverage (on all sides). As well as individuals from these religions who are not living by the standards of good conduct taught in these faiths. I realized that to understand Islam I was going to have to look beyond the actions of some Muslim individuals to get to the truth. I went in search of some good books about Islam(pro and con) and on the Internet (the good ole Internet).

What ended up surprising me most, initially, was that the Muslims already had some knowledge of the teachings of Christianity because Muslims, too, love and believe in Jesus Christ, peace be upon him (p.b.u.h). I learned that the word "Islam" literally means peace through submission to God by belief in His oneness and by obedience to Him. Thus, Islam claimed to be the same religion preached by all the earlier prophets, in whom Muslims also believe. These prophets, among others, include Noah, Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Moses, David, John the Baptist, and Jesus (peace be upon them all). The Qur'an says, "And We (Allah) did not send any Messenger before you but we inspired him (saying): There is no God but Allah. None has the right to be worshiped but I (Allah). So worship me" (21:25). In Islam, the ultimate purpose of this life is to recognize and worship Allah as our Creator, as One, All-Knowing and All-Powerful believing that success or failure in the life after death depends on it. Among the effects of this is that the Muslims should see everything on earth as Allah's, including himself. This can motivate the Muslim to take responsibility for himself and the other trusts in his care, namely his children, his family, his community, and the whole earth.

Islam teaches that every child enters the world pure and free from sin and that his innate nature and his capacity to reason will guide him to the knowledge of right and wrong. As well as anyone who convert into Islam is born again with a clean slate, wiped clean of all previous sins. It also teaches of relations with non-Muslims, he Holy Qur'an instructs the Muslim "to deal justly and kindly with those who fought not against you on account of religion nor drove you out of your homes. Verily, Allah loves those who deal with equity" (60:8).

Islam teaches that although the Muslim will repeatedly make mistakes during his lifetime, he should never lose hope of Allah's mercy. As Allah says: "O my servants (slaves) who have transgressed against themselves (by committing evil deeds and sins)! Despair not of the mercy of Allah. Truly, He is the Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful" (39:53). In Islam, repentance is a key to salvation. Islam teaches that as long as man recognizes his failings, hates them, seeks the forgiveness of Allah and tries to improve himself, that he can await this promise of Allah's mercy. "And those who, when they have wronged themselves with evil, remember Allah and ask for forgiveness for their sins and do not persist in what (wrong) they have done, while they know; For such, the reward is forgiveness from their Lord" (3:135-136). Islam unites mankind as one humanity. Islam teaches that all men will be held equally accountable before Allah, with no distinctions based on race or heritage, and that the best among men are only the most righteous. "Mankind were one community and Allah sent prophets with glad tidings and warnings and with them He sent down the scripture in truth to judge between people in matters wherein they differed" (2:213).

Islam dictates justice, equal rights, freedom of movement, the sacredness of one's property, the right to self-defense, honesty in business dealings, avoidance of deception and usury, and encourages hard work and honest competition.  Islam preaches the highest moral conduct on its followers, including the purity of intentions, care and love of one's parents, and modesty in dress. Islam encourages marriage as a means of sexual chastity and a means of comfort and happiness in life. A marriage is considered a contract between a man and a woman with each of the parties having rights and responsibilities. Upon marriage, a Muslim woman loses neither her family name nor control of her own property, they remain hers. In fact, I discovered that Islam is not oppressive to women, as I had previously thought. I learned that for centuries Muslim women have had rights that most Western women have only obtained in recent years.

The followers of Islam worship Allah in ways strikingly similar to the worship described in the Bible. The Muslim prays daily reciting these words from the Holy Qur'an: "In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful; Praise be to Allah, the Cherisher and Sustainer of the worlds; Most Gracious, Most Merciful; Master of the Day of Judgment; Thee (alone) do we worship and Thine aid we seek; show us the straight way, the way of those on whom thou has bestowed Thy Grace, those whose portion is not wrath and who go not astray" (1:1-7). The Muslim orally calls his brothers to come to prayer. Similarly, Moses was instructed by God to "make trumpets…and use them for summoning the congregation" (Numbers 10:2).

Before beginning the prayer, the Muslim performs ablutions (Wudu), washing his face, hands and feet just as "Moses and Aaron and his sons washed their hands and their feet" before formal worship (Exodus 40:31). Then the Muslim extols Allah's greatness and bows down before Him, kneeling and prostrating just as "Moses and Aaron fell on their faces" (Numbers 20:6).

Muslims worship Allah by fasting and by giving charity, which can be tangible like money or food or intangible like the kind word or smile one gives to his brother. They also worship Allah through pilgrimage to the city of Mecca which is the site of the first house of worship built by the prophet Abraham and his son Ishmael (peace be upon them). Islam preaches belief in angels, divine destiny, and the divine scriptures given to the earlier prophets including the Torah, the Psalms, and the Gospel of Jesus (p.b.u.h.). Islam defines goodness as constantly proceeding through life and worshiping Allah as if you actually see Him, knowing that although you do not see Him, He sees and knows everything about you.

So how can we judge Islam when it is so similar to Christianity and other religions, as a religion based on terrorism and oppression? How can people not understand why I would chose Islam? People should open their hearts and their minds and try to see from a different point of view, not judge or condemn a person for their beliefs.

In short, Islam can be summed up by the Muslim "shahadah" (or statement of faith by which one enters Islam): "I bear witness that there is no god (or anyone worthy of worship) except Allah, and I bear witness that Mohammed is the Messenger of Allah."

There is such beauty and peace in Islam, how could I not be Muslim? I ask you.....